The Golden Globes are back and we’re screwed

The Golden Globes have returned to the dismay of many. An organization built on the foundation of everything we, as the movie-watching public, despise about the idea of Hollywood perpetrated on a national scale. I would’ve loved to see it erased from existence, but it’s back and Hollywood’s biggest names are ready and willing to come back to support (long sigh).

Anyways, as a fake Oscar prognosticator and awards season junky, I will be covering this misfortunate endeavor called the Golden Globes. After a one-year hiatus, the Globes returned last year without a televised show. As all the winners were revealed via Twitter, it felt as if I was at a funeral, watching the sad, pathetic person die a slow death. But again, we’re back on NBC – with many blockbuster films nominated and big names present, a resurgence is coming in the form of ratings. 

The absolute worst aspect of all of this is the Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA) won’t learn a damn thing. What happened is akin to a slap on the wrist, with very little actual change happening outside of some mushy PR pieces and the addition of new members. Hopefully, the new voices in the HFPA will hold members accountable and raise the standards of what’s acceptable, even when it comes to the vanity of awards season.

Now, with that off my chest, let’s get to predictions:

Prediction Time

Animated: Pinocchio

Runner-up: Puss in Boots

Reason: Globes don’t normally do the art-house affair when it comes to animation. Most of the time, it’s the big Pixar, and Disney releases that steal the award. However, this year, the big-name Pixar films aren’t on the prestige level and the race has come down to a Guillermo Del Toro film, a smaller A24 half-animation, half live-action film, and a sequel of a sequel of a sequel in Puss in Boots. Here, the Netflix-backed film wins out.

Best Original Song: Hold My Hand, Top Gun: Maverick

Runner-up: Naatu Naatu, RRR

Reason: Lady Gaga, starf****er Globes, big name blockbuster film that did numbers box office wise. There’s no Diane Warren to steal the award. Nonetheless, RRR’s “Naatu” should be considered deeply here. The song is a pivotal focus of the film and is so incredibly energetic. I hope it wins over the rehash of Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away”

Foreign Language Film Winner: RRR

Runner-up: Decision to Leave

Reason: S. S. Rajamouli and the crew of “RRR” have brought the epic, wild world of India’s action film industry to a much broader, worldwide scale. The massive hit on Netflix has caused waves and put a bright new spotlight on Indian Telugu-language films and given fans a new reason to venture into that part of the world’s cinema. As for the Globes, the sheer popularity gives it a one-up, but with Rajamouli showing up elsewhere and Naatu getting nominated in the song category, it’s a no-brainer.

Original Score: John Williams, The Fabelmans

Runner-up: Justin Hurwitz, Babylon

Reason: terrified to pick against the Globes wonderboy, Justin Hurwitz, working on a Chazelle film no less, but there’s no more John Williams after this, and would be a nice time to reward him for spectacular work in The Fabelmans. A truly Spielberg adventure-Esque-inspired score.

Supporting Actress: Kerry Condon, The Banshees of Inisherin

Runner-up: Angela Bassett, Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Reason: Banshees is a front-runner. The film with the most nominations will undoubtedly be rewarded in multiple categories. Starting here with Kerry Condon. It’s not the most competitive category, with certain performances not nominated, leaving the door open for Condon, who, at this point in the race, has the most critic award wins. No, that’s not a reason to pick her here, but shows a groundswell of support for that performance smashed in between two other phenomenal performances. That said, Bassett and even Jamie Lee Curtis, as bigger industry titans, are looming close by ready for an upset.

Supporting Actor: Ke Huy Quan, Everything Everywhere All at Once 

Runner-up: Brendan Gleeson, Banshees of Inisherin 

Reason: Now begins the sweep for Ke Huy Quan as his critics’ success will likely transfer over to industry. It’s too great of a narrative. He’s too infectious as a personality and he’s the best aspect of that film (well, save for maybe Michelle Yeoh). I had doubts back in November, but those have been squashed by the overwhelming number of critic wins. I don’t see him as a Critics darling exclusively, in the same vein as Ethan Hawke, but as a clear frontrunner for the Oscar. Gleeson could play a spoiler, though. 

Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy: Colin Farrell, The Banshees of Inisherin 

Runner-up: Daniel Craig, Glass Onion

The Globes designation of musical or comedy often robs prognosticators of a real look at how voting might play amongst the acting categories. Instead, Colin Farrell gets an easy win, with no real competition, but a nice win for a performance I simply adore. It’s hard to pick a runner-up with no one really in the same tier as Farrell.

Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy: Michelle Yeoh, Everything Everywhere All at Once 

Runner-up: Margot Robbie, Babylon

Similar to the actor category in musical or comedy, it’s Yeoh and then everyone else. The Globes use all these separate categories to promote the show and get more stars in the seats and more speeches. It leads to easy winners like Michelle Yeoh, with no real competition, similar to Farrell. Hypothetically, Margot Robbie could be a legitimate threat, but the buzz around that film is not good, to say the least. 

Best Actress, Drama: Cate Blanchett, TÁR

Runner-up: Michelle Williams, The Fabelmans 

Reason: Cate Blanchett is the face of “TÁR,” giving the controlled yet explosive performances that make her great. If this film is rewarded, it will go through her. Unfortunately, with Yeoh in a different category, we won’t get a read on the Oscar race. There’s no real number two in this category. Blanchett or bust.

Best Actor: Austin Butler, Elvis

Runner-up: Brendan Fraser, The Whale

Reason: Brendan Fraser should be a no-brainer here, but politics and previous statements make it hard to see a path for him. His proclaiming he’s done with the Globes and calling them out on their hypocrisy, including allegations former HFPA chairman, groped him, and not attending the event screams Austin Butler winning a Golden Globe. The Globes can’t take another PR hit where Fraser wins and it becomes a story. I’d love to be wrong. Butler also *feels* like a Globes winner.

Best Screenplay: Martin McDonagh, The Banshees of Inisherin 

Runner-up: Todd Field, TÁR

Reason: Banshees, above all else, is a screenplay achievement and is viewed as such by the industry. There’s plenty of love for this film (eight nominations) and no other category feels as appropriate as a screenplay to reward McDonagh. Todd Field is a potential spoiler if the evening breaks that way.

Best Director: Steven Spielberg, The Fabelmans

Runner-up: The Daniels, Everything Everywhere All at Once 

Reason: You could’ve penciled in Steven Spielberg for this award back when The Fabelmans was announced as a project. It’s the exact type of film that late-stage directors win career achievements for. Luckily, the film isn’t *just* a vanity project and displays the craftsmanship and experience that makes Spielberg fucking Spielberg. The Daniels, if the night breaks in their favor, could snipe the award en route to a win in Best Picture, Comedy, or Musical.

Best Picture Comedy or Musical: The Banshees of Inisherin 

Runner-up: Everything Everywhere All at Once 

Reason: I could be overthinking the Banshees nomination total, with so many performance nominations, but it genuinely feels as if the Globes like this film and want to reward it. With a screenplay and more than likely a couple of acting wins, that speaks to the film’s strength overall and I believe it transfers to the Best Picture category with no Fabelmans or Top Gun

Best Picture, Drama: Top Gun: Maverick

Runner-up: The Fabelmans

Reason: taking a huge swing here with Top Gun: Maverick winning the big prize. I have no precedent to back up my claim, but it feels as though the Globes need a huge swing to regain some lost relevance.  And awarding the second biggest movie of the year and a huge talking point in the country is one way to do it. Plus, Spielberg got a Globe last year for Best Picture, so there’s no rush for him. In a year where two billion dollar films fill the Best Picture category, it feels right that one wins over a prestige film like TÁR or The Fabelmans. If it does pull the upset, it would be interesting of Top Gun’s staying power last well into Oscar season…

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